I'm Sick of These Fake Friendships

The offenders: Yeri and Jeremy... And possibly Tina.

I'm so mad and mentally exhausted right now that I don't really feel like writing. Every time I write in here, it's about something shitty in my life. I haven't really had anyone to vent this out to and I technically don't want to vent this out to Chie again. I still think about what Chie said... It was "Drop that bitch!" And sadly, a complete stranger that I've never met in real life has been a better friend to me than all three of the above; people I've known for a longer time.

Ugh, I just don't feel like writing this but I'm forcing myself to cuz I do need some sort of outlet even if it's just this damn wall that no one looks at. So let's get to the point. Yeri was only my friend because she had a crush on me. Once she stopped liking me, she essentially stopped talking to me. This, of course, has pissed me off more than I thought it would. It just shows how much of a fake friend she really is. It's odd to think that I planned on asking her to be my girlfriend on July 4 but she ended up being busy. Then she ended up being more busy and I suddenly lost interest in her.

Fast forward to now... She still hasn't replied to the email I sent her... What... 6-8 months ago? Fucking useless. It's not that she's busy; it's just that she doesn't deem me important enough to spend time on. And it fucking makes me sick because she always dedicated time for me. It makes me seethe with anger when I think about how fake our friendship really is. But I decided to give her a chance and let her take me out to Wreck it Ralph, a movie I've been wanting to see since E3 this year. I waited too long and finally told her that I wanted to see it. We tried to schedule something but she kept flaking out on me last minute. It was very fucking frustrating and I had it with her. I felt nothing but regret. I wished I had planned on seeing that movie with real friends to begin with.

Now, the hate I feel for Yeri is just as much as I felt for Beverly. I woke up completely angry today just thinking about how much I hate my relationship with Yeri. And I feel so sick at myself for forcing myself to hold up this charade. My heart wants to get rid of her as soon as possible but my mind wants to keep her around for a little bit to see if she'll do anything to mend our friendship. I just want my PS2 back, but I honestly don't want to see her. Also, my own stupid principles are keeping me back from outright deleting her. She got me a b-day gift so I feel obligated to at least get her one. She hasn't done anything super malicious in my life to warrant me not giving her a gift. But I thought of a great idea... I'll just give her damn gift to her when she returns my PS2 this weekend. That way I could delete her before her Jan 6 b-day and no longer deal with this fake friendship.

Everytime I see her name pop up on my facebook, all the anger comes flooding back. And I can't help but feel trapped by these stupid social rules that I've let myself be trapped by. Part of me wants her to make this friendship good again, but my gut feeling is that she isn't and that she's quite disposable. I'm so sick of fake friends. I want good friends. I've been wanting to get rid of Yeri for awhile now. Just get the fuck out of my life because you've been nothing but a goddamn disappointment. And thus the shitty gamer girls in my life streak continues.