MBA: Frauding it Up

So… Almost two months ago I got accepted into a top 40-50 MBA program. So many thoughts swirling through my head and I know I should have written this back when I got accepted. Ah… Where to start… Where to start…

So let’s start with the obvious: I’m a fraud. I can’t believe I got into such a prestigious program with absolutely no business experience and no full time job. Sure, I work contract and I work as a journalist… But I consider those two jobs to be bottom of the barrel jobs. I would say that my work as a youth leader for my church is the most impressive thing I got because of all the things I brought to the table. I did so much there. My GPA is about 3.5. However, I did not complete my credential program and I wonder if admissions was able to tell whether or not I completed it considering that the last portion is simply a pass/no pass student teaching semester. Also, I avoided math like the plague in college and the only legitimate math class I took in college was statistics. My GMAT scores were horrible (39 percentile). But! On the GRE, I was in 77 percentile for verbal (158), 64 percentile for math (155), and 92 percentile for writing (5.0). I didn’t even study one bit for the writing section so I’m proud of myself for that. I should be glad that this school accepted GRE’s in addition to GMAT. Then, I submitted my application without proofreading my essay because it was the absolute last day to turn it in. It’s highly advised to do an in-person interview but because I simply did not have the money to make the flight; I just bought a webcam and did it over Skype. The one thing that I still remember about the interview is my interviewer being genuinely impressed by my work experience saying that I had 5 years of work experience. If only she knew that both of my recent jobs were bottom of the barrel jobs and the fact that I spend 5-6 months a year doing absolutely nothing but procrastinating.

In my heart of hearts, I feel like I don’t deserve to be in a prestigious MBA program. But deep down, I really really want this MBA. I’m getting nowhere with my life and it’s because of my stubbornness to avoid exposing myself online to anyone from my church group. To this day, I’m still pissed that they just fucking abandoned me.  I had awesome times with them and they were really great but I can’t believe in the end that they were all just fake ass friends. Because of this, I caught off half my networking list. I need this MBA not because I believe in education, but because it’ll give me access to resources to help better myself to finding jobs. I’ll be able to use these resources to leverage my way into an internship or an entry level job.

I’ve been wanting to leave home for the longest time now but have had not the means to do so. There’s so many little things here that bother me and I’ll finally be able to have my own place and do things my way. Also, I look forward to doing all the things that I should have learned a long time ago, such as laundry and taking out the trash.

I’m scared and intimidated. Lots of these guys in my class look like they have a lot of relevant work experience under their belt. I’m just afraid to admit to any of my colleagues that the fact of the matter is that I truly don’t belong. I’m here mainly because I couldn’t find anything better in life and felt that going back to school was my only option.  To me, you need two of three things to be successful (success is defined as making $600+ more than your combined rent/car payment total and having a job you like): network connections, education, and work experience. Unfortunately, I only have education and I had no idea how to get the other two. Going back for an MBA will open me up for connections and work experience so that’s why I’m here. I don’t know truly know what my end goal is and I honestly don’t know what marketers and human resources guys do when they work. I’m also scared that this program may be too hard/lame/stressful for me to handle because  that’s what happened with teaching. I know that this is my last shot at education because I’m not gonna let my parents pay for anything after this. This is my last shot and I hope I made the right choice.

I’m severely lacking in many departments when it comes to an MBA student and I’ve got a lot to learn. Everything I’m learning is gonna be new. This is an issue cuz I did horrible in any class that had to do with completely new material. Then again, I did exceptionally well in all my teaching classes, but all those classes were relatively easy anyway. Will I be exposed for the fraud that I am? Or will I triumph over all odds and get that full time job and girlfriend that I’ve always wanted? Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited about this opportunity but I know it’s probably not gonna be easy. I’m actually hoping that the program and everything will not be as difficult as I think it’ll be.